Category Archives: Random

Friday Wrap-Up

It’s Friday, the perfect day for some random internet stuff…

Not in my job description…

Why do we do what we do?

Make your house pretty.

I have to buy this

 And this..

And on this day in History…click on the links for more info, or info that only sort of relates (but not really)

1842 – Abraham Lincoln marries Mary Todd

1928 – New York’s most notorious gambler, Arnold Rothstein, is shot during a poker game.

1948 – T.S. Elliot wins the Nobel Prize in literature.

NEVER read what will make you look good if you die in the middle of it

“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. ~P.J. O’Rourke”

With all due respect to Mr. O’Rourke….umm..no.

 I love to read and encourage everyone to read what makes you feel (happy/sad/angry/scared), read what challenges your beliefs and what pushes the boundaries of your imagination. If I have the misfortune of becoming deceased in the middle of a book (I say misfortune because while reading is the best way to go I would much rather have just finished the last page than still be in the middle) I would like to think I would not give a flying flip what anyone thought of my chosen material. There will probably be lots better things going on at the moment. You know, streets of gold and all. “Oh,” but you say..”what about the legacy you are leaving behind? What about your loved ones who have found your body hunched over a rather embarrassing copy of a pre-teen vampire romance thriller?” Again, who cares? You are dead. And I doubt those that have known you all of your life will be swayed in their opinions of you because of your final choice in reading material.

When my children were first learning to read I encouraged them to read what they were interested in. That meant a lot of different books for my daughter as she explored different subjects, and a lot of dinosaurs and Jacques Cousteau for my son who loved exploration.  For myself, I go by the 90/10 rule. 90% of what I read is what I know I will like. And the other 10% are books that I try out. Either a genre I’m not typically attracted to or a subject I’ve never explored before. Sometimes I am surprised, other times I don’t go past the 3rd chapter. But at least I’ve reached past my comfort level. If I only read books that would impress someone upon the event of my death..my literary history would be severely lacking. For what impresses one person, may not impress the one standing next to him. Okay, so only read award-winning books, only read New York Time’s Bestsellers..only read “Oprah’s choice” books..(please don’t). How about…”Never read something only because it will make you look good if you die in the middle of it” .

 Read what you love, read what you hate. Read authors who agree with your political/sociological/religious beliefs, read those that adamantly do not agree. Read the books that are easy to read, providing you a brief respite into another realm. Read the books that are hard to read, and take a bit longer to get through. Challenge yourself. But please, do not care what anyone will think if you die in the middle of whatever it is you have chosen.

 If I were to die today I would be caught 2/3 of the way through The Autobiography of Charles Darwin on my Kindle (to the shock, I’m sure of my pastor. What is a Sunday School teacher doing reading Darwin?), 3/4 of the way through the “Reader’s Digest” I keep on the back of my toilet and at the beginning of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks on my nightstand. And this weekend I am certain to pick up another novel, an easy-reading non-fiction whatever..probably a crime thriller. Because sometimes my mind needs a break from the seriousness of Darwin’s mental struggles and in-depth research. Sometimes I need a break from the HeLa cells. Sometimes I want to read just to relax and let my mind drift into another world. Even if I am not challenged at the time by anything. Any of these 4 bits of reading material would be judged quite differently if they were in my hands the moment I passed (please Lord, don’t let it be the “Reader’s Digest” for that would mean my passing would occur on the toilet).  Feel free to judge me. 🙂

Tattoo Barbie, Bastardino & My Dad’s Tat

“Sticker Tattoo” Barbie outrages parents

Oh come on, this is a surprise? Haven’t girls been putting stickers on Barbie (as tattoos) for ages? When I was young I wasn’t really into Barbie as much as I was “My Little Pony”.  They didn’t have a boy pony so I took the blue girl one and cut her hair really short so they could have weddings and dates and he/she could do guy stuff. Creating my own lesbian/transsexual pony is possibly more disturbing than a “tramp stamp” tattoo on Barbie’s back. Just saying…kids use their imaginations regardless of what the original product looks like. Maybe a permanently tattooed Barbie is a good idea. Instead of a sticker they can pull off..the kid is stuck with that on her back forever. Or until she/he gets tired of playing with Barbies. It is a more realistic example of inking yourself. Hey kids, real tattoos don’t just peel off at the end of the day…you’re stuck with it forever. Or until you can think of something slightly larger/darker to cover it up with. That’s what I want to see next…a Ken doll with a “I love Barbie” tattoo sloppily covered/corrected to say “I love Isabel” sloppily covered as a giant black rose. THAT would teach the kiddos. (shout out to my Dad who has the aforementioned black rose covering a woman’s name)

Permanently tattooed Barbies: 

 Harley Davidson Ken

Jacob (Twilight) Ken. Wasn’t the real Jacob about 3 shades darker than this? Come on, Mattel.

Amazonia Barbie – wow that’s a lot of tats. Umm..I’m pretty sure the “Tribal Amazonian Women” aren’t white skinned. I’m seeing a trend here.

Hard Rock Café Barbie

 Hard Rock Café #2 Barbie

Tokidoki Barbie 🙂 with cactus friend Bastardino…wow. Really? “Bastardino”? I don’t even know what to say to that. This is quite possibly the cutest Barbie I have ever seen..too bad her pet’s legitimacy is in question. Oh wait..it’s ok. He’s Italian  and, unfortunately, out of stock

but…it’s for the cancer people

E: I want one of those bracelets

Me: Which bracelets?

E: The ones that help out people with cancer

Me: Be more specific, please

E: You know, the ones that help people with cancer..and they’re pink

Me: You want a pink bracelet?

E: Yeah, it’s ok ‘cause it’s for the cancer people

Me: You are asking for the “I love boobies” bracelet? Are you kidding?

E: Yeah! That one!

Me: No

E: Why not? It helps people with cancer, don’t you want to help them?

Me: Yes, but not by letting my 3rd grader go to school with a bracelet that says “I love boobies”. It’s against school rules anyway.

E: Everyone has them, the school is okay with it

Me: Well, I’m not okay with it

E: Mom, I have to have one..like..ALL my friends have one

Me: Absolutely not. You are 8. Do you even know what boobies are?

E: I think so..and besides..it helps people with cancer

Me: Well, I think it is good to help people with cancer, but I’m not about to start sporting the “I love penises” bracelet

E: ew

Me: exactly

E: so…you’re saying I can’t get one? Pleeeaaassseeee…..

Me: I’m ignoring you now (turns up the radio)

Status Updates

Facebook is a wonderful social networking site. Really, it is. Unless you have friends like mine… (friends, you know I love you but you also know how corny you can be..and you’re putting this stuff on FB which basically makes it an easy target for public ridicule) This is what has been flooding my home page for the past two days: 

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping that it kills the other person.” (posted by 6 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison, a little every day, and waiting for the other person to die.” (posted by 3 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like stabbing yourself in the chest and hoping the other person feels pain.” (posted by 5 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like being in prison, watching the other person through the bars live their life.” (posted by 1 person)

“Unforgiveness is like being committed to prison, while the other person is free.” (posted by 1 person)

 -sigh-

 We get it. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison/stabbing yourself/being in prison/being committed and hoping it kills the other person/waiting for them to die/hoping they feel pain/watching them be alive/they are free. We know!  Forgiveness = good. Unforgiveness = you die a slow painful death. And I get that “God forgave us of our sins so we must forgive others”. I know it is the mature, adult thing to do..this forgiveness stuff. But why must everyone insist on speaking in quotations? Status Updates do not have to sound intelligent or mind-bending..or even be remotely entertaining. There is pressure I think in this “status update” to be witty or intellectual or sarcastic or quotable. I guess that’s slightly better than the people who tell you everything they have had for dinner, and a complete history of their intestinal woes. And I don’t know..maybe that’s what status updates are for. But I like to think they are for awesome things like “a little sore today from climbing Mt. Everest” or “still working on that cure for the common cold” or “just about finished with the time machine, who’s up for a spin?”. Maybe that’s the problem, we don’t do enough awesome things. I’m off to google “awesome things to do on a budget” now…

Filth! Filth I say!

Hilarious Website where this is

Retail | San Francisco, CA, USA |
(I’m working the floor at a local video game store when a visibly angry woman comes up to me with a game in her hand.)

Customer: “What sort of filth are you selling here!? My son has been playing this game, and I found out it’s about killing the Pope!”

(She’s holding a copy of “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood”. Its antagonist is Rodrigo Borgia, the Pope of Renaissance Italy.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the villain in that game is an embellished version of an actual Pope who was historically known for–”

Woman: “Look! I know you’re just doing your job, but I live in a Christian household and I wont have my son learning to hate religion!”

(I give her a refund, and then try to find her a game she approves of.)

Woman: “Okay, what’s this one about?” *picks up Halo: Reach*

Me: “Well, in that game you play as a futuristic super soldier who battles a race of religiously devout–”

(She screams, throws the game down, and storms out. The next day, she comes back and buys “God of War III” simply because it “has God in the title”.)