Monthly Archives: September 2011

Status Updates

Facebook is a wonderful social networking site. Really, it is. Unless you have friends like mine… (friends, you know I love you but you also know how corny you can be..and you’re putting this stuff on FB which basically makes it an easy target for public ridicule) This is what has been flooding my home page for the past two days: 

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping that it kills the other person.” (posted by 6 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison, a little every day, and waiting for the other person to die.” (posted by 3 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like stabbing yourself in the chest and hoping the other person feels pain.” (posted by 5 different people)

“Unforgiveness is like being in prison, watching the other person through the bars live their life.” (posted by 1 person)

“Unforgiveness is like being committed to prison, while the other person is free.” (posted by 1 person)


 We get it. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison/stabbing yourself/being in prison/being committed and hoping it kills the other person/waiting for them to die/hoping they feel pain/watching them be alive/they are free. We know!  Forgiveness = good. Unforgiveness = you die a slow painful death. And I get that “God forgave us of our sins so we must forgive others”. I know it is the mature, adult thing to do..this forgiveness stuff. But why must everyone insist on speaking in quotations? Status Updates do not have to sound intelligent or mind-bending..or even be remotely entertaining. There is pressure I think in this “status update” to be witty or intellectual or sarcastic or quotable. I guess that’s slightly better than the people who tell you everything they have had for dinner, and a complete history of their intestinal woes. And I don’t know..maybe that’s what status updates are for. But I like to think they are for awesome things like “a little sore today from climbing Mt. Everest” or “still working on that cure for the common cold” or “just about finished with the time machine, who’s up for a spin?”. Maybe that’s the problem, we don’t do enough awesome things. I’m off to google “awesome things to do on a budget” now…


Glee and “the Carleton”

First, I love Glee. There. I said it. I love almost everything about it. I also loved “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” which is why I freaking ADORED Glee’s season premier. They had Blaine sing “It’s not Unusual” by Tom Jones. I also love Blaine. He’s incredibly attractive though that gets muddled since his character isn’t attracted to women…but he’s a great singer and a great actor. This kid’s stars are shining pretty brightly. Look for him to do big things. I love that Glee does songs that are current, but also pulls from the back of the shelf so the younger generation can rediscover some of the classics. Classic singers..classic songs..and classic moves. Get ready for some eye candy laughs. This is not a clip of Blaine, but of Carleton doing his famous move…”the Carleton”. Enjoy.

Filth! Filth I say!

Hilarious Website where this is

Retail | San Francisco, CA, USA |
(I’m working the floor at a local video game store when a visibly angry woman comes up to me with a game in her hand.)

Customer: “What sort of filth are you selling here!? My son has been playing this game, and I found out it’s about killing the Pope!”

(She’s holding a copy of “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood”. Its antagonist is Rodrigo Borgia, the Pope of Renaissance Italy.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the villain in that game is an embellished version of an actual Pope who was historically known for–”

Woman: “Look! I know you’re just doing your job, but I live in a Christian household and I wont have my son learning to hate religion!”

(I give her a refund, and then try to find her a game she approves of.)

Woman: “Okay, what’s this one about?” *picks up Halo: Reach*

Me: “Well, in that game you play as a futuristic super soldier who battles a race of religiously devout–”

(She screams, throws the game down, and storms out. The next day, she comes back and buys “God of War III” simply because it “has God in the title”.)

The Brave One

Linking the previous article from the site called “The Brave Girls Club” had me thinking about Jodie Foster in “The Brave One“. Fantastic movie full of raw emotion and un-pretty moments. There was no happy ending as the main character suffers an enormous loss at the beginning of the movie. And we, as viewers, know that this is her new reality. All she can do is find peace in the only way she knows how. Peace here comes in the form of vengeance, though we are left knowing all is not made right. Her world is still shattered. Justice may have been a guest, but there is still one missing from the dinner table.

Webster defines “Brave” as “having or showing courage”, and “Courage” as  “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty”

Jodie’s character was brave. Of that we can be certain. What of us? If it had happened to me, would I have been brave? Hard to tell, since it hasn’t happened to me. I cannot presume to know the mindset of someone who has had the misfortune of living through that. Am I then capable of being brave without the catalyst of misfortune? Thucydides writes that “the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet not withstanding, go out to meet it”.  Can I be brave in pursuits of what is before me, regardless if they are glorious or dangerous? Can a child be brave, pursuing her dreams? Can a woman be brave in her everyday life? In the daily shuffle of kids, work and can a woman be brave? Can you be brave in the absence of danger? I think, maybe. There may not be a monster under the bed, but daily there are choices we make. And sometimes it takes courage to make the right ones. Sometimes it takes bravery to stand up for those choices. Or to go against what you have been taught, to forge your own way, to find your own answers. Sometimes it takes bravery to be still where you are for a moment. To endure your present reality, until the time is right to step out.

Nelson Mandela says “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Bravery…courage…isn’t always in the physical, headline-grabbing moments of our lives. It is most often our daily overcoming of whatever is before us: fear, insanity, mediocrity…

Our Signs that no one sees..but should

LOVE this. Please read it. Now. Thank you.

Employee Appreciation “Week”

It’s “Employee Appreciation Week” here at work. Monday was “Fiesta/Western Day” where they encouraged you to wear Western or Mexican style clothing and they served us breakfast tacos. There was also a basket of “Great Value 90 calorie chocolate chunk” bars for those watching their waistlines. Whoever designs the packaging for the Great Value brand needs to be drawn and quartered.

 I feel like I’m eating astronaut food..if I was an astronaut imprisoned in an orbiting concentration camp. Make that.. a robot astronaut prisoner. Ridiculous. I’ve only done a bit of design work on the side so I’m not an expert, nor have I stayed at a Holiday Inn. But I know good design when I see it. Or in this case…don’t see it. Packaging should motivate you to buy the produce, cause you to salivate when reaching for it on your shelf at home and cause a single tear to track it’s way down your cheek at the idea of ripping such a beautiful piece of art just to get to the awesome-by-association goodness hidden within. know..look cool and stuff.  Great Value fail. But of course, it’s free so I stuffed a couple (or 5) in my lab coat to take back to my desk for those days I’m feeling particularly desperate. It’s Friday now and there’s only 1 left so either the packaging really was tempting’s a rough week and I’m an emotional eater PMS’ing. Maybe that’s who Great Value markets to..PMS’ers. Because really..we don’t care what it looks like or how it tastes. We just want chocolate..even if it is in “90 calorie chunk” form. Moving along…Fiesta Day! Some people dressed up with cowboy boots or hats (though this is Texas so it was hard to tell who was dressed up or who just showed up for work) and some dressed in colorful Mexican attire (though again..this is Texas..former statement still applies). I did not participate. Maybe because I didn’t have anything in my closet that fit either mold…or maybe because I’m cynical like that and refuse to participate in the corporate game of dress-up.

 Tuesday was “Hawaiian Day”. I actually did try to participate but I do not own a single piece of flowery clothing. Correction, I do not own a single piece of flowery clothing that still fits. I may or may not have gained a few pounds this past year. Though I do think the dryer may have had something to do with it. Breakfast this day was a giant fruit tray. That’s pretty “Hawaiian” so I’ll let that slide. Though some of the fruit included is not native to Hawaii. But..I’m trying to work on not saying “Actually…(insert argument here)” all the time. They had  lei’s strewn about the room for you to grab and wear to participate. And of course, the same basket filled with the same awfully-wrapped bars of mediocrity courtesy of the incredibly-void-of-creativity folks at Great Value. Again, I slipped a few in my lab coat pockets to save for a dreary PMS filled day.

 Wednesday was “Sports Day” and we were asked to wear a jersey or T-shirt from our favorite team. For the alarmingly high number of nerds who wouldn’t know a football from a could wear your alma mater’s T-shirt instead. I forgot about dress-up day so I had to change into my Astros shirt right before I left the house. AFTER I put deodorant on. Apparently I put on shirts like a toddler because there was deodorant all over the front of it. Which takes me to my husband’s closet and his VERY comfortable, very nice Astros jersey.  Throw a black tank top under it and bam…I’m finally a participant in the corporate game of dress-up! I feel like I’ve sold a tiny piece of my soul. But at least it’s a comfy jersey. Life’s about balance. On the way to work I’m fantasizing about what breakfast could be. What could be sport-themed? Or college-themed? Apparently they went with the latter. There was a giant bowl of…wait for it…Great Value POP TARTS. I’m not even kidding. I can’t make this stuff up. What college kid hasn’t downed their weight in Pop-Tarts? That “Freshman 10” didn’t just happen by itself. So..the largest chemical company in the world is serving off-brand Pop-tarts to show their employees they appreciate them. I hate to see what happens when they fire me. They’ll probably ask for my drawer of Great Value breakfast bars back. Well, they’re not getting it. I’ll get crunk over some chocolate.

 Thursday’s theme was “Golden Oldies Day” with a side note of  “Wear your favorite attire from the 1950’s, 1960’s, 70’s 80’s etc..” Umm..excuse me??  I understand MAYBE stretching it to the 70’s but I take offense at including the 80’s. If I can remember the should NOT be considered an “Oldie”. For breakfast..we had a bit of heaven that more than made up for all of the lack-luster days preceding it. Award winning kolaches from the most amazing place ever. They picked up a mix of them. And folks, we are talking REAL kolaches. Not “Pig-in-a-blankets” that everyone calls a kolache. I want a t-shirt with a picture of a poppy-seed kolache (because they are the best of course) saying “THIS is a freaking kolache” and on the back it can have a picture of a sub-par weiner wrapped in sub-par dough with a giant x through it. I’m a bit passionate about educating the American public here. It’s in my genes, my ancestors were from what is now the Czech Republic. And they know how to throw down a kolache. I got to work late because it was just one of those mornings..then got hit with a few problems I had to deal with before I could get my coffee (always a dangerous situation). Before I realized it, it was 8:45. Breakfast was served at 7:30. I had full intentions of NOT eating breakfast at work this morning because I thought it would be the pig-in-a-blanket variety of “kolache” and didn’t think it was worth the calories since I’m trying to lose this stupid weight. So, I saunter upstairs just to case out the joint..maybe steal a few more Great Value bars for my collection…when I see the white box on the table with “The Kolache Shop” printed on it. My heart skipped a beat as I walked over to it. I didn’t dare make a sound in case someone heard me and thought “hey, there’s still breakfast up there! Let me go see!”. The last thing I needed was a fight over the last kolache. I opened the box and there it was..laying on the cream cheese kolache. Of course, this is my second favorite kolache in the world. And I thought to myself…I know I’m trying to lose weight..and I wasn’t going to eat breakfast here this morning..but here it is still up here for us to is this box is my second favorite kolache from my number one favorite kolache’s like..God himself was telling me He wanted me to eat it. And, who wants to argue with that guy? A quick pit stop at the microwave for 10 seconds and I was headed to my and kolache in hand. RIGHT when I sit down someone comes in “Hey, can you help me look up something?” I looked at her, looked at the kolache..sighed not very quietly but not loud enough to be rude..just enough for her to know she’s interrupting my quiet time here….and pushed the plate to the left. Type..Type..wait for system..smell kolache…type..type..wait for system…take quick bite of kolache. Then the amazingness hit my taste buds and the world stood still for a second. I literally stopped what I was doing, leaned back and closed my eyes. After swallowing the goodness, I opened my eyes to see my coworker giving me the stink eye. “What? Have you never tasted this before? Obviously not or you would understand me needing a moment to enjoy it.  And no, I’m not sharing.” Sheesh..some people…

 Today is Friday and there is no theme or plate of goods to consume. “Employee Appreciation Week” was only Monday-Thursday. So should be called “4 days of Employee Appreciation”.  I’m not sure what kind of school these guys went to..but a week is 7 days, not 4.