I used to work with a woman who left her job to follow God’s plan for her life in the Mission field. Then..she has a baby with special needs and her world is turned upside down. Following her blog, you see the ups and downs of being a Mom to a special-needs little boy. A Mom who is so desperately holding on to what God has promised her..but then..has he? I love her honesty, and hope that she doesn’t mind the copy/paste action here..
Faith and all that
I’m starting over a Bible study that I got half-way through several years ago and never finished. Believing God. Not believing in God. Believing God. That He wants to bless us and all that. That if we have faith that He will heal us, then He will heal us because we have faith.
And I know Abraham had faith and it was credited to him as righteousness. But… Abraham had something I don’t. A specific promise from God. God told him he would have a son, so Abraham believed (although it seemed impossible) that he would. God told Noah that it would rain, so Noah believed (although it seemed impossible) that it would rain. You know?
I mean, I know that the bible has lots of promises for us. It says in general that God works out all things for good, that He is always with us, and on and on. So, in general, I believe those things. But… because of my life experience and the experiences of those around me, I don’t think God’s picture of good always looks like our picture.
I had lots of people who, after hearing about our pregnancy, came up to me in the last months before Patrick’s birth and told me with absolute certainty that they just wanted me to know that they knew Patrick was going to be born perfectly healthy without any issues and that they were just believing God for that.
Um. Ok. Thanks? I really didn’t know what to do with that then. I knew they just wanted me to know they were praying for me and wanted to tell me something to make me feel better. Which was nice, I guess. But… I mean, obviously the thing that they believed with absolute certainty didn’t happen. I know too many people to have believed God would do something that they wanted to happen and it hasn’t happened the way they wanted it to.
I do believe God. I believe that He wants good for me. And I believe He is healing Patrick. Quicker than the doctors thought. It’s just… differently than I would have wanted… and slower… and sometimes agonizingly slow and not the way I wanted.
So I want Patrick get his trach out by this fall. Great. SO… I should just have faith and believe God will do it and just expect it to happen?
I mean, I haven’t heard a specific promise from God that that’s His plan for Patrick and me.
Not in a loud booming voice.
Not in a whisper.
Not even in a stirring in my heart.
So really it’s just something I want. Actually, I want him to get his trach out today. I don’t want to suction anymore. I don’t want to worry about trach care anymore. And I want to take the kid swimming. And to the beach. But I think it would be foolish to sit here and say, “Ok, God, today is the day – I’m believing you that today is the day you are going to heal Patrick and magically remove his trach. I’m believing. I’ll just sit here and wait for the doctor’s to call and give us the go ahead.”
That’s not believing God. Because God didn’t tell me that today was the day for that.
That would be like me saying “Ok, honey, I’m trusting and believing that you will bring me home a diamond bracelet when you come home from work today just like you said.” He would look at me like I was crazy and say, ”Uh… when did I say that?”
Am I making any sense? I feel like I’m rambling and going in circles.
All I’m saying is… I’m having a hard time understanding this concept of believing God for specific blessings in your life… and how it’s different from trying to manipulate God into giving you what you want with a bunch of rhetoric.
And I do know that God does sometimes give us very specific direction on what His will is. He’s done it for me before. But I just don’t think we should put words in God’s mouth if He hasn’t given us that direction.
Ok, I’m done rambling.