Thursdays are usually harder-to-wake-up days..but this one was especially so. Last night was…ummm…(how do I say this and still stay positive)…oh who am I kidding…it was bad. Really bad. Not a we-lost-a-kid or had-to-call-911 kind of bad…but right up there. It was a Field/Game day to celebrate the end of school/beginning of summer. Every class had fewer kids since it is the end of school/beginning of summer and mid-week church attendance always goes down. Which actually surprises me since some parents don’t bring their kids mid-week because we get out at 8:30 and by the time they get Suzy home and bathed and in bed it’s “too late on a school night”. So then we would expect to see them during the summer, yes? No, not really. Regardless, there we were celebrating end of school. And..we still had about 50 kid 4th and 5th graders (usually 65-70). And 4 teachers. My husband got off work late so he ended up being the 5th teacher about halfway through. I think technically we were covered with the kid-to-teacher ratio.However…my mistake was trying to do anything organized when school had just let out. The excitement level was through the roof. Impossible to contain. About 1/3 of the class didn’t listen or follow directions. It was like trying to get a squid to play checkers. Just not happening. So, frustration abounded. We were also too short-handed to do most of the things we had planned (obstacle courses with teachers at different stations).
The night ended with a discussion with a Mom who was extremely rude and disrespectful to me (in front of her child). So really, how can I expect any more from her child when that is his model of behavior?
My body is tired, my feet hurt and I’m on my second cup of coffee. I’m exhausted mentally and physically. And that’s AFTER passing out in my bed and sleeping for 7 straight hours. Just another day on the battle-field. But I wonder, am I even making a difference? Am I being effective? Do we need someone else to step in/up to teach? I don’t know, some days I doubt that I can do this effectively. Can keep the class in control so the ones who DO want to learn…can. I wonder why God placed me here, when I’m obviously not trained or the best choice. I know he spoke through donkeys so he can speak through anyone…and he “equips the called” not “calls the equipped”. But some days I wonder. Is that my faith weakening? Or my humanity showing? I guess if I thought I was a rock star, that would be bad also…but I do so wish I was better at this.